I reach for the notecard and then the reality crashes into my head that Mom isn't there anymore. I can't write her a note. I can't communicate with her anymore.

Writing little notes to Mom is a habit I have had for my whole adult life. She's never written back but I've never expected or even hoped she would. She was taught the Korean language by my Dad. She learned to read and write English from my Grandma and my Dad. Writing in English was never her thing. She was never comfortable with writing.

Every once in awhile when I would receive a birthday card from her she would write a tiny bit more than 'love Mom'. One time she wrote me a note on a piece of paper. I saved it. I'm still searching for that little paper. One day I'll find it.